What is it & How do you reinforce it?
What is it & How do you reinforce it?
What does it mean to be worthy? Worthy of what and by whose standard?
Where does the lack of worthiness come from?
We are not born feeling unworthy. When we are little we definitely stand up for ourselves. We cry our lungs out when we are hungry, when you feel dirty, when we want something and our needs are not met, or when we just want to be a little extra.
All of these behaviours are accepted until a certain age. At one point, adults start to label such behaviour as throwing a tantrum. All of a sudden the behaviour that was once accepted and celebrated is deemed wrong. If we were crying because we were hungry, our need was immediately satisfied, now our need may be met but not before being told that such behaviour is not acceptable.
Something changed. We start to learn that certain behaviours help us receive love, while others not so much.
What happens when the majority of our behaviour is met with scepticism and criticism? What happens when the things that bring us joy are met with criticism? Every human being wants to be accepted and be loved. Same happens with animals who must adapt to the herd otherwise they are left out, and it is way harder for them to survive.
And yet we are worthy is it all. We are worthy simply because we exist. There is no one out there who sets the standards for who is worthy of and who is not.
We set the standards based on the ideas that we grew up with.
Some people grow up to believe that once you set your mind on something they can achieve it, while others are constantly looking for reassurance and approval before they make it happen.
‘Vulnerable share’. When I was little and we had family over I would always love to get involved in the conversation and share my opinion. The only thing was, that my parents were not so happy and keen with me sharing the ins and outs of what was happening in the family, etc. I started to realise that whenever we had people over and I would say things when the invites would leave I would be told off for what I said. I started to question myself. To me, it didn’t make sense. I didn’t understand the parameters of what was acceptable for me to say and what was not. I started to say less and less in the family environment.
I thought that in order for my parents to love me I had to say things a certain way, behave a certain way and restrict my sharing. What happened was that I didn’t stop listening, reading or doing the things that they did not agree with. I just did them by myself and didn’t share with them.
What do you think happened? I started to lose trust, in myself and in others.
There was also an internal contradiction. The same people who tell I can achieve anything I put my mind at, and that I am worthy of it all are the SAME people who are setting standards on the love they give me.
The same people are the ones who are teaching me that the love they give is conditioned. It sounds something like this: If you speak a certain way I love you …. If you don’t then I don’t.
If you hang around with a certain type of people I admire you… if you don’t then I don’t.
If you get drunk, smoke, etc…. Then I don’t.
We are being thought from a very young age that we are not worthy of unconditional love. We then begin to question ourselves. If they don’t love me when ( … ) then that means I should not accept that either. This creates internal conflict, and boom years later we realise that our self-love barometer is not working in our favour.
We can have self-love Sundays with bumble baths, rose petals and Egyptian clay masks, but that will not fix our Worthiness problem.
You might be using right now, what on earth will be “fixing this”?
Figure out who you are outside of the restrains, identities, rules that your family, parents, religion imposed on you. Who are you if you are to take all of those things away?
What do you like? What are your beliefs? Who do you like to hang out with? Who are your people?
When are you the happiest, most fulfilled?
This may create a lot of internal conflict between what you think you should do, how you should behave and what you should believe about the world and your true essence?
When such things start to flare-up, start going an integrity check?
Are you in integrity with yourself, the world, your family, community?
Being out of integrity takes out a lot of space & energy that is dragging us down.
You are as worthy as you want to be.